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Reviews for Majestic Twilight

By : omega13

From Streti on April 14, 2007
Thought of a few scenarios to those suggestions. For Ashei, maybe she and Link could get caught in a pocket of snow or a small cavern in Snowpeak with no immediate escape, and she pragmatically suggests sex to keep warm and pass the time. Or, if you wanted to include all the resistance members with her, including Telma, she could have Link participate in their secretive group sex sessions for Link to be accepted by the group.

As for Beth, maybe the age question could spur her to want to prove to Link that she is not a little girl anymore. She seems to hang around Link's hut together with the other kids, but what if she gathered the necessary courage to climb up and surprise Link while he's still sleeping and the other kids aren't up? Link, after waking up, might not accept her right away, but after talking with her, would relate to her similarly as Uli did to him during their early times, except that she wants the crash course straight away, including intercourse. This could be explored in a number of different ways, locations and time perspectives as well, of course. Just throwing a few simple ideas around...
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From Streti on April 13, 2007
Heh, I didn't come think that the review system would also catch my < i > tags. Good thing you noticed it anyway.

Well, it's also time for a fuller review since I had the time to read the existing chapters thoroughly. Some of the changes, like the mysterious woman and Uli's lack of pregnancy, might come as a little surprise to those expecting a completely faithful story to the game, but the author's notes at the end do explain these changes very well. The relationship between Link and Ilia was very well set up, keeping their friendship open while also giving them their sexual relationship. The spring was a great scene for them indeed, apt and sexy.

The decision about Uli and Link's relationship was well argued for, as well. I don't think she would be considered a predator, especially in relation to other stories, where Link and she have fallen helplessly to their lust in a potentially damaging way. So, a great scene for her as well. Her facial could have been still showier, though. It's a rare occurrance. ;)

About the word innocence: when in doubt, use two c's.

Regarding future chapters, I would like to see Beth with Link. In the game, she is distractingly aggravating for her supposed age. I do agree with your notion to raise the kids' ages as well, seems that they have been made too young in the game. Great characters all around, Telma, Hena and Ashei being my favorites of the ones not mentioned here yet. Ashei seems to be a little disdainful of Link, but maybe she wants to prove herself wrong and see that Link is a man and not just a boy by taking him into bed. (There weren't any in Telma's tavern in the game, but that could surely be fixed.) Telma also specifically asked linked to return to the tavern for his reward, and I don't think she meant meeting the resistance members... while Hena might be getting a little bored in that fishing hole. Nude swimming, some teasing in her cabin..? And if you are partial to the idea of the raunchy Wolf Link that I presented in "Desires of Dark", there's that time when spirit Iza is hoping for something to warm her, just when Wolf Link with his fur happens to be standing close by.

So, alltogether a very promising start for the story, with a nice mix of plot, character relations and the well-written sex scenes, including a Link that is an actual persona. Cheers for the existing chapters, and I will be looking forward to seeing more!
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From ANON - Shendal on April 13, 2007
It was decent, and you have good ideas, but... I really think you need a beta reader. There were several spelling and syntax errors, mostly typos. Also, this is written almost entirely in the passive. Passive writing is something you absolutely want to avoid, it makes readers tune out and skip ahead.

Other than that, pretty good. Keep at it!
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From Streti on April 12, 2007
More Twilight Princess stories, lovely. The game must be giving some pretty strong hints about these pairings... Anyways, I couldn't really read the Uli chapter because you had missed one tag in there, just after the first . Please edit it in soon.
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From HondoOokami on April 11, 2007
Heh heh heh... nicely done. I totally respect your idea to avoid the two actually having penetrative sex, and the reasons because they didn't want to be unfaithful to Rusl (Even though they are satisfying each other orally).

Great job! I did notice some similarities to the LinkxUli chapter of my story (well, just the bit when she�s waiting on the sofa and he enters with the basket.) but yours had so much more detail and was written so much better!

I like your idea for Luda and Beth �rewarding� Colin. Definitely write that as a chapter!

Anyway, continue! High hopes for the next chapter!!

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From applecore on April 08, 2007
me again. I didn't read the author comments the first time around but now that I have I'm impressed with the amount of thought you put into this. I've seen my share of "link getting the girls of the game" fics but you sir are definetly doing things right. If your looking for suggestions, I be interested in seeing a foursome with those girls outside that hookshot game (but thats so obvious that you probobly already thought of that). Another girl I would be interested in seeing is the fishing shop girl, one of the more interesting characters in the game in my opinion becuase shes so gosh-darn normal compared to everyone else.

I'm looking forward to seeing what you do with future chapters and how you handle different aspects of the plot, such as what Midna will be doing while Link is "busy" (will she be watching? offering tips? off on her own somewhere? Whatever you come up with will probobly be good though.)

Anyway, just felt this story deserved an extra-long review.
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From Aslan669 on April 04, 2007
Its well written, but to demand reviews in order for future chapters is a bit egotistical. You should write because you love writing. Otherwise, it will come across in your stories that you are doing it solely for praise from strangers. Regardless, I just finished playing the game today. I cant help but think that the main romantic interest is Midna. She's the only one who sheds tears at parting from him. She also seemed to be on the verge of telling him that she loved him, but didnt because she would never see him again. Zelda seemed to be interested only in his ability to fight, and the childhood friend has a sisterly/possible love for him. Im wondering though, if you are going to do anything about the three teenage girls who fall in love with Link when he completes the circus run. That is almost pure, fluffy fun, haha. I would be interested in seeing something with the zora queen. She is able to affect the real world, even though she is a spirit. Just try to avoid the beastiality thing please. Thats pretty much all anyone writes about when they do Twilight Princess stories.
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From ANON - dasdasd on April 01, 2007
Great. Just great.
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From ANON - applecore on April 01, 2007
This was good! Looking forward to Link getting it with the other girls. Though I hope you save Midna for last though.
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From Jaehl on March 28, 2007
This is a really good start, you've used brilliant description and language to create a solid first chapter. Keep it up!
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From ANON - DarthHavoc on March 27, 2007
Hey very good start so far just 1 quick question will midna get in on the action sometime during the story? just asking cuz im a huge link midna fan anyway very good start so far keep up the great work.
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From HondoOokami on March 27, 2007
Woohey, that was fantastic! It's similar to the story I'm writing except yours actually has a plot and is expertly written! Great job, can't wait to see who's next (please don't do any wolf Link chapters, there have been way too many of them...)!
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From Magnus on March 26, 2007
This is very well writen. It is descriptive, uses symbolism, and proper grammer/spelling. I happen to prefer having romance between Ilia and this Link. I look forward to the next chapters.
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