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Reviews for The reality of Lara's Legend

By : MorbidFantasy

From SecretWritter on March 31, 2011
Well, this is quite the interesting story.

Am i saying that out of pure arousal from the way you write this? That could be it... or maybe its the intellectual part of me that is applauding you for crafting this story with not only a sense of sex-crazed fucking, but a well developed fantasy including creations of your own make with well-developed paragraphs...?

No, i'm sure its the sex.

But seriously though, this is a fine piece of smut... i mean literature... is sex-themed work considered literature?
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From raefactor on May 16, 2009
Glad to hear you're not intending to major in English or Literature. The writing itself isn't so bad, but a few mistakes had me chuckling, facepalming, or just plain scratching my head wondering wtf they taught you in this HS biology you speak of.

A few notes about female sexuality and sex in general, in case you haven't already figured them out since writing this:

-I have no idea what cherry you're talking about. As a nursing student, I can assure you that this mystical hymen is nothing more than the opening of the vagina. Also, virgin amulet aside, I highly doubt Lara would have experienced much pain even if she'd never used a tampon in her life (which I highly doubt she hasn't)-- she's much too active to still have an intact hymen. Again, there is no "cherry" on the inside of the woman's body. The hymen is a just a word used to describe the unstretched-out skin around the vaginal opening, and with that in mind rock climbing, horseback riding, bike-riding (including motorcycles) and various other activities can easily stretch it out.

-While women climaxing from rape is not uncommon, it would be rare for her to have more than 3-4 in that sort of time period (Chapter 1). The average woman takes at least 20 minutes of direct stimulation to orgasm and (while that's not a big deal given your timeline) if she were being raped she would most likely take much longer than that. Then again, fear/humiliation/pain all do strange things to people, especially women, and so I'll let that slide a bit. But when you have sex, don't be surprised if it takes longer for her to finish than it does you.

-Why the hell would the semen get stuck inside her? Did she have one of those rare malfunctioning hymens that has to be broken by a doctor because it won't let anything out? How does she menstruate if so? Sorry, that definitely doesn't fly for me. If blood can come out of her uterus (and she doesn't seem the type to have any bizarre health problems like that, so I'm assuming it can) then semen should be able to come back out. Also, it wouldn't get stuck in her uterus. I dunno what kind of semen you're used to dealing with but for most men around 99% of it just slides right back out. The sperm themselves can travel into the uterus, but the semen (again, probably 99% of the other stuff that comes out) wouldn't stick around, hymen or not. Also consider that every time she was raped subsequently the hymen would break, so even if she DID have tons of semen inside her it would all come rushing out. *boggles* And again, it wouldn't necessarily be in her uterus, the cervix is TINY (the brush used for a pap smear is about a third the size of my pinky) and the hymen is at the very beginning of the vagina, so... I have no idea how she could possibly have that much semen in her. Too much logic fail for one brain. I can understand the appeal of the fetish, but anatomy fails make it more confusing than arousing IMO.

^^Just as a side note, pigs and boars DO insert their penises into the woman's cervix (cats, dogs, and humans definitely do not), and even though the cervix involuntarily holds most things in the semen does eventually leak out on its own over the course of a few days. If you need help figuring out a way to work out mechanics for having a woman obtain semen in her uterus for extended periods of time, shoot me an email and I'll try to help. Turns out years of anatomy and nursing classes comes in handy for writing smut. ;)

-It might help to look into cat penises before writing about them. Just saying. They have spikes that would dig into the vagina if Lara tried to push it off. Which isn't a bad idea, especially with the amulet. But cat penises are not like human penises, and it would be wise for you to research some of this stuff before writing about it. I know I'm guilty of not doing that myself, and with a topic like bestiality with a Jaguar that (I hope) next to no one would ever experience, you if you intend to write sex you REALLY need to understand the basics of female anatomy. I could let pretty much anything else slide, but your inexperience or lack of understanding with women was what killed it for me. :(

-Anal sex without lubrication is not going to arouse anyone and could give the guy friction burns. Better to have the girl (or person) go down on the person before they take her anally. I could see someone getting off from DP, but not without SOME sort of lube. Have you ever stuck three fingers up your arse, totally dry? Try it some time and see if it's arousing at all. And in real life you can do serious permanent damage with surprise butt sex-- I say that not so much for your future writing but for the sake of your future/current girlfriend.

However, those major issues aside, it was a relatively enjoyable read and you show potential. Trust me, I wouldn't be reviewing if I didn't think so (I could probably count on one hand the stories I've reviewed here on aff.net, and I've read hundreds). So do a little research about these things before you write them, or better yet get some hands on experience, and keep improving. Like I said, I definitely see potential. :) Also, the amulet as the reason she can do so many athletic things and fall and get better so quickly makes a lot of sense. It's a good idea.

It's also nice to see someone writing about things like bestiality and wild, kinky sex. I can't say I have complaints about your subject matter. :) I know this story is like 2 years old, so hopefully you've gotten more experience by now (and I may check for more stories of yours if you have!), but it really irks me when I see people with writing talent getting lazy with their research and sabotaging their own stories unintentionally.

I liked the Japan chapter! The serum was believable (for Tomb Raider!) and the sex scene seemed to be well-written. Sorry to seem flameish. Hopefully you've figured things out on your own by now, but you really do have potential and that is a rare thing. I hate to see it wasted with lack of knowledge. Take care.
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From ANON - Anon on February 03, 2009
Great story man. I think my favourite chapter is Japan, if only for the fact that you have Lara walking around in that evening dress with 'the cum of 40 men and one jaguar' sloshing around inside her, and that ear-hole cumshot was pretty inspired too, lol. Personally, if I was going to write a porn version of this setup I'd have Nishimura double-cross Lara and offer her a spiked drink when she talks to him in his office. It would kick in just as she confronted Takamotoslowing down her reactions and allowing her to get caught, and the rest would pretty much write itself - maybe even have Nishimura and/or some of the civilian bystanders join in. I've got some ideas for Kazakhstan and England too, if you're stuck on them 5/5.
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From Takaiteishu on December 27, 2008
One thing that I am curious about, how long will all of that semen stay inside of Laura? If you plan on getting rid of it then you could have that done in the England chapter and use that mainly for story building.
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From on September 02, 2008
Amazing story
You're an awesome Smut writer.
Love your work

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From ANON - DAM on June 14, 2008
A solution to the giant serpent problem has come to me inspired by the movie cloverfield- in the movie there are main monsters the size of buildings, however smaller insect-like creatures (the size of dogs) fall of them and attack people mainly in tunnels and buildings. You could have Lara kill the giant boss but have her to weak to avoid smaller creatures that break off from the larger serpent that have their way with her. This should work as you said this story is altered and fabricated as needed.
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From ANON - OYL sucks! on May 27, 2008
Intriguing...
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From ANON - !!!! on May 26, 2008
Great story more desperately needed
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From ANON - SandZ on May 23, 2008
Oh my god that kicked arse!
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From ANON - opin on May 22, 2008
The torture and humiliation level is off the charts... keep it up.

Ideas for the story include:

Lara being tied to some kind of sex machine

Tentacle sex

Hallucinogenic venom

Lara/Amanda action

Electroshock treatment

Anal insertion

Demon sex, etc

Good story, you have a legitimate talent for this.
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From ANON - Matt on May 12, 2008
Well, on #1: Why not simply use a smaller boss? Or dozens of squids, however creepy that may sound. *Shudder.* In any case, I havea few ideas of what you could do.

Question: Why in the hell is the sperm so damn important? And wouldnt she have a belly by now, after almost a hundred men, two of which blasted off for HOURS, dogs, a big cat, and possibly soon a squid? Why is it so important?

~Matt
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From ANON - freak126 on April 04, 2008
I hope inspiration hits you soon, as all your stories are awesome with this in particular.
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From TheRavenEmerald on March 10, 2008
England I'm at a loss, too. Unless you want to make it so King Arthur does her. Find a way to make that work.

For Kazakhstan, you should have her and Amanda, change it up a bit. Since you've had only guys fucking her (and animals...) you should have Amanda take her.
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From on February 17, 2008
Okay I think you should just forget about Lara having all that cum stuck inside of her it's just not realistic enough and physically impossible with the amount of time between rapes. I mean sure her womb would have lots of cum in it but what are you trying to do have her have a swelled stomach? Just drop it since it's giving you too many issues.

Now you can do something like that with the next chapter, I mean the final boss was that black monster so you could have one of those tentacle rape scenes and it could keep shooting extremly large amounts of cum into her stomach to the amount that you want before she defeats it. For England you could always make smaller creature of that one show up while in the water, I mean those things have to breed somehow right? maybe after they are done with her she kills it/them and that's why later that thing keeps trying to kill her so hard. Hell maybe the little ones swim up into her womb inplant an egg or something she she quickly births one of the things if you really want to get something new into this.

does this help any?

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From ANON - anonymous on February 14, 2008
Tajykistan(sp)= my humble suggestion would be for it to be Lara/Amanda (some have asked for women on women action so why fight it), seriously though, did anyone else who played the game think that Amanda looked for confident in her sexuality after her encounter with the monster? Or am i the only one that is that sick? Also face the fact that Amanda is ridiculously hot.

Nepal= a gangbang here wouldn't be the same as Japan- no-one can get fully naked without freezing to death... the only other thing i can think of is doing some weird and inventive things with ice: torture mounds on breasts, phallus of ice, etc.

England= the monster could have tentacles, or the serpent could be swapped for a giant squid (does this have to be exactly like the game). Another way to go is for Lara to beat the monster then get jumped by the bad guys where the real action starts.

A weird idea i got when playing anniversary was for Lara to encounter a trap which puts her in a dreamworld, i got a weird image of her in a dominatrix-corset type of outfit blowing faceless enemies away with an absurd amount of firepower (i suppose you could call it a critique on how over-sexed and violent tomb raider games became after the original),
anyway, i hope the writing problem works out for you.

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